I am married and have one child who is already in primary school. Last year, my job went quite smoothly and I received a Tet bonus of VND50 million (US$1,925), which I considered to be well deserved. But even that was just enough to pay off debt, save for my child, buy gifts for both sides of the family and other expenses at the start of the year.

In the past, I was very honest with my relatives whenever they asked about my bonus during the holidays, and I used to tell them the exact amount. But I have since changed my mind because of the unspoken comparisons. If a year’s bonus was higher than the year before, no one would say anything. But if it were even a little lower, comments would flood in: “Why is your bonus worse this year?”, “Is something wrong with your job?”, “Looks like things are going downhill for you.”

No one outright called me a failure, but the way they looked at me and talked about my job was enough to make me feel like it was my fault. In their eyes, the start-of-the-year bonus is a measure of success. A higher figure means you are doing well, and vice versa. No one asked whether I was healthy, whether my work was stressful or what my family needed. They only cared about the money.

That pressure haunted me through many Tets. Some years, my bonus was lower because my company was struggling. I went home feeling weighed down and even had to prepare explanations in case relatives asked. I even ended up spending more than I had planned just to appear financially stable and avoid being judged. I eventually realized that sharing details about my finances had ruined the holidays for me.

For the past three years, I have chosen a different approach. I report a bonus of VND10 million every year regardless of the actual amount. And it proved effective. There are no more probing questions, scrutinizing looks, comparisons or conclusions that I was “moving up” or “falling behind.”

This is my way of protecting the peace for my family. Income, bonuses and living standards are not measures of whether I deserve respect, nor should they become reasons for others to place burdens on my shoulders.

I do not deny the joy of earning money, and I certainly do not dismiss the value of hard work. But showing off or acting superior to relatives does not make me happier. On the contrary, it can often bring unexpected pressures.

For me, the holidays should be warm and peaceful. What matters most is being able to return home with a light heart, free from the pressure to maintain an image. That is when I can truly feel rested after a long year.

*This opinion was submitted by a reader. Readers’ views are personal and do not necessarily match Read’ viewpoints.