A boomer grandma elicited mixed reactions after she said it’s sometimes perfectly reasonable to want a getaway with just your kids, not their spouses. She insisted that it’s not about drama, disliking someone, or even just trying to exclude the spouses of her adult children, but she said it’s totally normal for parents to want to spend some quality time just with the kids they raised, regardless of their age or marital status.

And while that’s understandable, many people felt slighted by the idea of leaving their spouses out of family vacations, when that’s the whole point of a family vacation in the first place. In a TikTok video, Grandma Jan defended her point, claiming that it shouldn’t be a big deal at all.

A grandma said there’s nothing wrong with wanting to go on vacation with your kids without their spouses coming along too.

“Let me say something that a lot of parents are scared to admit. Yes, it’s absolutely okay to take a vacation, a family vacation, without your sons and daughter-in-law. It doesn’t mean you don’t love them, it doesn’t mean they’re not welcome, it doesn’t mean there’s drama,” Jan began in her video.

She explained that sometimes she wants to spend time with her kids. She described it as wanting to be around the kids that she raised, survived life with, the ones that she rocked through teething and then, eventually, heartbreak. The kids that she helped pick out their first apartment.

“That relationship deserves its own space too,” Jan insisted. “And honestly, in-laws might appreciate having the option not to go. Trips are expensive, schedules are tight, people have jobs, kids, routines, and needs. A vacation without them might be the one thing that actually keeps the peace.”

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The grandma pointed out that families are supposed to have ‘branches’ and not everyone needs to be on every trip.

Ground Picture | Shutterstock

“Not every branch has to be on every trip,” Jan continued. “If you love your in-laws, make sure they know it. But also honor the part of your heart that still loves the ‘just us’ moments with your original crew. Both can be true. Both can be healthy.”

Many people in the comments section criticized Jan’s opinion, pointing out that once your child marries someone else, they immediately become family. And since family vacations are all about spending time with said family, that means spouses as well. 

Families can always choose the dynamic that they want to have on their specific vacations, but everyone should at least be on the same page about the intention behind them. The problem is that adults rarely have much free time or vacation time in general, and going on a vacation without spouses means less time for adult children to spend with their own families.

Jan’s sentiment was understandable. Many older parents just want to be able to spend time with their adult children, just one-on-one. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to still prioritize that parent-child relationship. The issue would be attempting to monopolize the little time they have. As one wife on Reddit noted after her mother-in-law asked something similar of her husband, “Both my husband and I work hard and strive hard to balance our life with our 3 year old daughter while still trying to enjoy hobbies and activities that bring us joy. We have not gone away since having our daughter, never go out for dinner and rarely have time ‘one on one’ between the two of us – we busy but we are happy.” And there is the issue. There is nothing wrong with spending time with your parents, but a vacation is asking a lot. 

Wanting time with your kids is natural, but pretending that their spouses don’t matter is where the problem lies. The healthiest family dynamics, especially one between in-laws, are about being able to honor both sides without making anyone feel as if they’re not respected or cared for.

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Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.